As A Matter Of Fact, I am Created In The Image of God!

I have always been an independent person, even as a child. As I look back on my past, I realize the fights that broke out with my parents and me revolved around my independence. My parents wanted to keep me safe for as long as they could, but I wanted to go exploring the world.

As I began to get older, I did just that, though it was more in a figurative sense. I was never comfortable playing it safe. I would have constant panic attacks and felt like my world was closing in on me. Though, in a way, it was closing in on me. My life centered around others, doing whatever anyone else wanted me to do (or be), trapping me in a vicious cycle. I wanted to live my life and see what the world had to offer, but was afraid of disappointing others around me.

Acceptance and validation from others were nothing more than forms of manipulation. Of course, I was allowed to participate in some groups because I conformed to what others wanted. When I began my process of coming out, I was welcomed into some lives only because I confided and felt indebted because of this acceptance. The moment that secret no longer bound me to that person, the acceptance mysteriously disappeared.

Religion likes to put life experiences into a pretty little box and tell us this is how life will go. However, when something comes along that takes us out of that box, religion doesn’t know how to deal, so the scapegoat has become Satan. We are taught “abstinence only.”

Here is an example. In church, we are taught “abstinence only” when it comes to sex. However, in the instances, this does not work, and a pregnancy occurs, the mother is shamed and is forced to repent for not following God’s plan. What do you think happens to everyone involved? Abortion is not an option because every unborn life is precious. Now, not only is the mother humiliated, but will have a life long reminder of this grave sin.

Let’s not stop there, let’s talk about sexuality. In church, we learn the natural order is Adam & Eve, a man and a woman to join in ‘holy matrimony’ to procreate. Anything outside of this is outside the natural order, therefore is not part of God’s plan. This ‘natural’ order is fine until a person begins to hit puberty and the urges do not go according to the church’s plan.

Oh, there is a simple fix for putting those evil thoughts out of our minds and get back on the path towards righteousness, conversion camps. That’s right; parents will send their ‘confused’ children to these special camps, given to extreme measures because as the adage goes, ‘spare the rod, spoil the child.’ Nothing could go wrong there, could it?

More recently, many within the religious community (at least from my Southern Baptist background) have come out to say that sexuality could be involuntary. When I first heard this, I got excited. However, this was short-lived when those same people went on to say the following. Even though this could be beyond a choice, the individuals involved must abstain from any same-sex relationships (paraphrasing). In other words, the people would be accepted into the fold only if they remain miserable and lonely for the rest of their lives. The justification? We all have those ‘thorns in our sides’ (speaking of the life of Peter), and this just happens to be a thorn. Oh, how to wrap it up in a pretty little box.

We were not meant to spend our lives miserable and lonely; this is why God created Adam & Eve, as companions. Why then, as a gay man, should I be subjected to a life of loneliness and misery just because I do not conform to the ideas of others? Why should I feel guilty for living authentically rather than pleasing others? The answer is – I shouldn’t.

Many within the world of religion who have grown and matured. These people seek to understand the mysteries of life which cannot be answered with a simple, “because the bible says so” mindset. I enjoy the company of these individuals because I am challenged to be a better person and to look beyond that pretty little box.

However, there are still many who are afraid to step outside of that bubble. These people lock themselves away and refuse to acknowledge they could have been wrong. In their minds, to accept ignorance is to question everything they know, as if it were a bad thing. Because of this, they are locked in the worst prison imaginable – their own hatred.

Growth is painful, this is a fact of life. Part of that pain comes when we realize some things we thought were fact, really are not. However, there is light at the end of the tunnel. As we grow, we learn. The day we stop learning is the day we stop breathing.

I know those who refuse to grow and are stuck in a place of misery. The truth is right in front of their eyes, yet they refuse to acknowledge the existence. When others around these people begin to accept and grow, these individuals are left behind because of their own ignorance. The only coping mechanism is to retaliate or throw a tantrum.

Refusing to grow, these persons miss out on life and create their own personal hell on earth. We were not born only to become complacent in life, we were meant to live life to its fullest. It has taken me many years of my personal hell to understand this fact. However, I came out of the fire a stronger person, and in love with life.

We are in a world where we are all unique, so why do we feel the need to make everyone the same? Why can’t a gay man and a Southern Baptist pastor respect each other without condemning the other to an afterlife of eternal damnation? Why can’t we allow others to marry whom they choose without it causing a great divide?

I am the person God created me to be, I was born this way. I may not be the person others want me to be, but I am living my life as authentically as I can. At the end of my life, if I stand before God to be judged, I will answer for how I lived, not how others wanted me to live.

I am at a place where I am at peace with my life, and with who I am. I do not need the affirmation or acceptance of others to live my life. There will be those who choose to leave my life, but in order to grow a wonderful garden, the weeds must be plucked to make room for growth.